How to Talk to Your Kids About ICE When You’re Still Processing It Too

If your kid has been quiet lately, or suddenly way too curious about the “bad guys” they keep seeing on the news, you’re not alone. After all, kids clock everything. And right now, ICE sits in the middle of the national conversation, whether we like it or not.

According to wearemitu, Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents killed two people in Minneapolis in January 2026, including Alex Pretti, a 37-year-old Veterans Affairs nurse who was recording ICE activity when agents tackled him and shot him. And this is just the latest. ICE is now one of the arms of the Department of Homeland Security, with more funding, and they’ve been terrorizing our communities for months now.

As it often happens, the government-sentenced rhetoric is permeating into our schools and communities, and many children have had to face threats and intimidation from their peers. Not to say that many of them have been witnesses themselves to ICE operations close to home.

So yes, your kids can feel the temperature. And here we are, having to prepare our small ones to face a reality our parents and grandparents fought so hard to leave behind in our home countries.

However, the goal is not to dump the whole news cycle into the kids’ laps. The goal is to help them feel safe, seen, and steady.

First, take a breath. Then talk about ICE like it’s real life, because it is

Dr. Anna Batho, a clinical psychologist, told Newsweek that avoidance is often the wrong move. “It’s much better to talk about something distressing than [pretending] it isn’t happening,” she said.

In other words, if we go silent, kids still fill in the blanks. They just do it with anxiety.

How to start the ICE conversation without traumatizing everybody at dinner

Timing matters. Batho advised choosing a moment when everyone is relaxed and has time to talk. If deep talks aren’t your family’s usual thing, she suggested starting with something familiar, like walking or playing with toys.

Then, instead of launching into a speech, start by listening. Ask your kids what they already know, what they saw, and what they think it means.

That same approach shows up in guidance from Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. Natalie Cruz, PsyD, recommends opening with: “Hey, there’s so much going on in our world right now. I’m wondering what you have heard?”

ICE is scary. Your job is to make the facts feel concrete, not catastrophic

When explanations are needed, Batho told Newsweek: “Keep it simple, but keep it concrete.”

So you can say, in plain language, what ICE is and why people feel afraid, without graphic details.

A practical script from Children’s Network of Solano County puts it this way: “ICE is a government group that makes sure people follow immigration laws. Some people are scared because ICE can decide if someone has to leave the country.”

If your child is spiralling into worst-case scenarios, Batho recommends reassurance grounded in facts, based on your real circumstances, then checking that your child understood what you meant.

How kids show stress about immigration can look… random, but it isn’t

Children’s Hospital Los Angeles notes that stress can manifest differently depending on age and personality. Younger kids might get clingier or regress. School-age kids can struggle with focus or feel fear about going to school. Teens might talk more openly and even feel motivated to advocate.

And that tracks with what families are seeing right now. According to CHLA, “A lot of what we’re experiencing in L.A. and as a nation leads to kids feeling anxious, uncertain about their present and their future, and even sad and angry,” Dr. Cruz said.

So if your child is melting down over something that seems unrelated, treat it like a signal, not a character flaw.

Building an ICE family plan can lower panic for everyone

This part depends on your family’s reality, and it can feel heavy. Still, experts keep coming back to preparedness as a form of emotional safety.

CHLA recommends developing a family safety plan that could include identifying trusted caregivers, role-playing what to do during an ICE encounter, and reassuring kids that there will always be someone to take care of them.

Children’s Network also highlights a “Family Preparedness Plan Toolkit”. It points families to ILRC resources, including preparedness planning and “Red Cards” that outline rights like remaining silent and asking for a lawyer.

If you do one thing today, make it this: tell your child exactly who they can go to, and how you will find each other in an emergency. Kids calm down when the plan has names, not vibes.

Media hygiene is part of the solution

Kids aren’t watching the news at 6 pm like it’s 2005. They are absorbing it through clips, rumours, and group chats.

CHLA recommends modelling good media hygiene by limiting exposure and being mindful about where information comes from. Reliable sources first, panic later.

And when the conversation gets intense, Batho also suggests helping kids return to the present: maybe a hug, a snack, a reset into play, or a topic shift that reminds their nervous system it’s safe right now.

The emotional sweet spot is “optimistic realism”

Yes, as adults, we know the situation is dire. But we need to reframe it when we explain it to our kids; this way, it respects them enough to tell the truth, while protecting them from hopelessness.

CHLA calls it “optimistic realism,” which means avoiding extremes. Don’t promise what you can’t guarantee, and don’t doom spiral in front of them either. As Dr. Cruz explains, “There are a lot of things in life we can’t control,” but there are also things we can control, like caring for each other, finding moments of joy, and keeping routines that make kids feel grounded.

When you run out of words, books can hold the conversation for you

Sometimes kids need a story that meets them where they are, especially if they shut down in direct conversation.

The Saint Paul Public Library pulled together a “Talking with kids about ICE” resource list, plus collections on supporting young people through trauma and picture books that help kids name fear and find steadiness again.

If your child is a reader, or even a bedtime story kid, this can be a gentler entry point that still tells the truth.

At the end of the day, you don’t need a perfect script. You need presence. Start small, stay concrete, keep the door open, and remind them they can come back with questions whenever the world gets loud.