Telenovela Love Taught Us That Pain = Passion—It’s Time to Unlearn That

My mom loved telenovelas so much that she named me after one of the genre’s most beloved stars, Edith González. That’s how deep the novela obsession ran in our house. Like clockwork, she’d be glued to the screen every night, wholly invested in the drama, the heartbreak, the grand te amo’s whispered under the rain.

If you grew up in a Mexican household, chances are telenovelas were the background music to your childhood. Every night, our moms, tías, and abuelas gathered around the TV, hanging on to every betrayal, every slap, every “¡Te juro que me las vas a pagar!” ultimately invested us in the toxic love story unfolding on screen.

At the time, I thought it was just entertainment. But looking back, I realize those novelas weren’t just shaping our evenings. They were shaping our beliefs about love. They romanticized suffering, jealousy, and manipulation as signs of passion, teaching generations of women that love isn’t love unless it hurts.

Telenovelas and The Passion Myth: Love = Pain

Think about the classic telenovela formula. The heroine is usually poor, naïve, and full of esperanza, while the galán is rich, arrogant, and emotionally unavailable. He mistreats her, humiliates her, and pushes her away, but somehow, she always forgives him, convinced that deep down, él sí la ama.

We grew up watching women endure everything for love—cheating, abuse, humiliation—only for it to be rewarded with a grand, last-minute “Te amo” from a redeemed bad boy. These stories taught us that pain isn’t just a part of love. It’s the price you pay for a happily ever after.

Is it any wonder so many of us struggled to recognize red flags in real life?

Jealousy = Proof of Love

In Telenovela Land, jealousy wasn’t a toxic trait. It was the ultimate sign of devotion. If a man wasn’t grabbing your wrist, clenching his jaw, and demanding, “¿De quién es este hijo?” was he even really in love?

These novelas fed us the lie that possessiveness = passion. That if he was truly obsessed with you, he’d:

• Forbid you from seeing other men
• Explode in rage when you talk to someone else
• Threaten to “fight for you” (read: control you)

So, we internalized it. We mistook insecurity for intensity. We saw red flags as green lights. And we let jealousy slide, because if he wasn’t jealous, did he even care?

The Suffering Queen Trope

No telenovela is complete without Santa Mártir, the long-suffering woman who sacrifices everything for a man who doesn’t deserve her. Think María la del Barrio, Marimar, or literally any character played by Thalía.

These women were the blueprint for tolerating emotional abuse with a smile. They were cheated on, insulted, and even left for dead, but their love was so pure that they forgave everything in the end.

And what did we learn?

That if we’re patient, forgiving, and endlessly loyal, no matter how badly we’re treated, we’ll eventually be rewarded with love. Spoiler: In real life, you just get stuck in a toxic cycle with a man who never changes.

From Telenovelas to Reality: Rewriting the Love Script

For many first-generation Latinas, unlearning these telenovela love lies is a journey. We grew up believing that love had to be dramatic, painful, and chaotic to be real and that relationships without suffering were boring.

But real love, the kind that actually lasts? It’s peaceful and safe. It’s mutual respect and partnership without the cheating, the jealousy, or the emotional rollercoaster.

We can still love telenovelas for their drama, iconic villains, and unforgettable one-liners. But we don’t have to let them write our love stories.

Porque querida, you deserve more than a telenovela romance. You deserve a love that doesn’t make you suffer first.