De-Centering Men in Relationships is Making Women Happier, And We Love To See It
Relationship norms have drastically changed over the years—a blessing, if you ask me. Generations of women have always been at the beck and call of their men, something I’ve suffered from, to be honest. This philosophy created a wildly unequal relationship dynamic, placing men at the dead center of literally todo.
In a video that garnered over 38,000 likes, TikToker Fleeksie Cake talks about how relationships are now less focused on men than 10 years ago. A total mindset win if you ask me, since women prosper so much more when they aren’t suffering from an annoying sense of tunnel vision.
I mean, how many times have you heard a fellow chica put her partner’s feelings before hers? Yeah, no.
Fleeksie points out that relationships “feel harder” now because more and more women aren’t building their sole purpose around that of a man
The idea of women decentering men from relationships and, in turn, their lives isn’t something that’s just popped out of nowhere. This conversation is beginning to blessedly pick up steam. Women are waking up to the idea that they should be the main characters in their lives.
“Relationships 10+ years ago only had a chance because women and men both agreed to center men,” the TikToker fires off at the top of the video.
Fleeksie continues, “She agreed to center him and he agreed to center his boys, and she centered him so much that she didn’t give a damn whatever he was doing to get the approval of his boys.”
Our girl Fleeksie’s valid observation of this toxic relationship trope is one that not just Latinas but women everywhere have fallen prey to. Society has trained us to believe in martyrdom when it comes to relationships. We give, give, give, and we need to be happy with the breadcrumbs we get in return. How is that fair?
“Ten to 15 years ago your guy would have told you that he was gonna go hang out with his boys instead of the plan that he made with you and you were supposed to just be okay with that and still be with that guy and let him do it to you again next week, next month, next year,” she contends.
Coming to terms with the machismo and marianismo in Latino culture is what is healing today’s generation of Latinas
Certified couples therapist April Maryorga agrees that women have been shifting their approach to relationships for some time now.
She tells FIERCE, “Women are stepping into their confidence and owning the direction of their personal decisions regarding how they form relationships with others, as well as the direct relationship within themselves.”
The Mexican American licensed marriage and family therapist notes that this shift has a “critical” and “direct impact” on women’s mental health. She adds that the idea of being “selfless and self-sacrificing” just doesn’t work out, and they are vocal about it.
“In Latinx [and Latine] culture, the lived experience of machismo and marianismo has set off the eagerness to heal generational patterns, where women have submitted to norms at the expense of their wellbeing and overall happiness,” she explains.
Mayorga continues, “Men are not the vessel of active change in the lives of women—although in society they do hold high levels of influence.”
“Culturally, women have witnessed the unhappiness of generations of women in their own families and reject the idea of having to fall into the same patterns,” the couples therapist adds.
Despite eons of the same nonsense, change has come, and it’s staying
Fleeksie believes that this generation’s biggest flex has been how they are moving away from what doesn’t work and blocking “on sight.” How men can’t get away with the bare minimum or picking everything else before the woman they’ve entered into a relationship with.
“Now you do that [and] like women block. They block on sight. A** is grass,” she confidently states.
“I think that right now there are some relationships that are only working because they both are agreeing to center men. And had it been 10 years ago, maybe we would have all been on board that would have felt normal,” she continued.
She claims that because women are doing the work to shift the norm within themselves, and, by extension, their relationships with men, things aren’t going as smoothly for some folks.
Fleeksie adds, “I think in the last 10 years we deconstructed that and now you got a lot of people bucking heads.”
Many in the comments agreed with her sentiments, ranging from humorous to celebratory to contemplative.
“This is reflected in all those early 00s TV shows and cartoons where men were useless, and it was an endearing thing or to be expected/accepted,” a TikTok user pointed out.
Someone else shared, “Deconstructed it so hard my divorce is finalising this month.”
“[Ten to 15] years ago, women were pressured to gaslight ourselves. Even therapists would gaslight us,” another added.
One commenter quips, “My relationship works because we both center ✨me✨.”
