Going through a divorce is one of the most challenging circumstances in a woman’s life. Yet, it is very common. Approximately 43% of marriages end in divorce.

The imposed social pressures of having Prince Charming and living “happily ever after” seem to have played a very ugly trick on us.

Beyond that, we must deal with the idea of a supposed “failure” and the guilt trip that follows. If you have children, the process can be more painful and take even longer.

What never fails, however, is having a support network—or a Rihanna to tell you that you’re “a bad bitch,” as happened to Natalie Portman.

The importance of having a Rihanna in your life

On Monday’s episode of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Natalie Portman confessed that her exchange with Rihanna at Paris Fashion Week still lives rent-free in her head.

The Oscar-winning actress claimed that, at a “much-needed time in her life,” Rihanna told her she was “one of the hottest bitches in Hollywood.”

“It was an amazing experience for me,” Portman said. “I think every woman going through a divorce should get to have Rihanna say to her that she’s a bad bitch.”

“It was exactly what I needed. … It was a formative moment in my life.”

For any woman, having someone rooting for her during difficult times is critical

It doesn’t necessarily have to be a Rihanna at Paris Fashion Week. But friends, family, and even support groups are critical for a woman going through a divorce.

Although a recent Gallup poll reported that 81% of Americans think divorce is morally acceptable, for women of color, the story is different. Family pressure and our own judgment can be twice as heavy.

The little-discussed health impact of divorce

According to Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D., author of “The Parent’s Guide to Birdnesting,” even decades after divorce, women experience chronic health problems.

A study found that divorced people, years after their divorce, suffer higher rates of mortality, depression, general illness, and substance abuse than married people.

According to study co-authors Linda J. Waite of the University of Chicago and Mary Elizabeth Hughes of the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, divorced (or widowed) people are 20% more likely to suffer from long-term health problems, such as heart disease, cancer, diabetes, digestive or metabolic problems, or other chronic health problems.

They are also 23% more likely to have mobility problems like walking or climbing stairs. People who remarry fare somewhat better but still have 12% more chronic diseases and are 19% more likely to have mobility problems.

For women, the effects of a divorce are severe

Studies have found that women have an increased risk of heart attacks after divorce. That risk increases if they divorce more than once.

Matthew Dupre of Duke University found that after one divorce, the risk of heart attack increases by 24%, but after a second (or more) divorce, the risk of heart attack increases by 77%.

A study from the University of Texas, Austin, found that stress causes higher levels of inflammation in women, which erodes the immune and cardiovascular systems.

Women generally fare worse financially after a divorce, a chronic stressor that can also affect their physical health.

For this reason, support groups and friends are essential

We need someone to vent to and let go of anger. We need to feel supported and, most importantly, know that we are not alone.

“Seek strong support from friends and family and therapy if you continue to suffer after the divorce,” Buscho recommends. “In therapy, you can learn how to cope with stress in positive ways that preserve your health.”

Similarly, the doctor recommends taking up new jobs or hobbies. This can also include finishing your education, developing a new career, and finding new friends and traditions.

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