30x the Danger: TikTok’s Viral Restraining Order Story Sparks Tough Questions
Let’s not sugarcoat it—navigating the world of restraining orders can feel like trying to protect yourself from a wildfire with a squirt gun. TikTok user @emmaslicious laid it all bare when she shared her terrifying experience of filing a restraining order against her ex. In her video, she revealed an unsettling truth dropped by her judge: women are 30 times more likely to face serious harm or even death after filing a restraining order. Yes, 30 TIMES. Let that sink in.
The video blew up, with countless women chiming in about their own brushes with restraining orders—and the harsh reality of what happens next. Spoiler: It’s not a safety fairy tale. The stats, the stories, and the system’s failures are gut-wrenching, and it’s time we talk about it.
So, You Filed a Restraining Order. Now What?
Here’s the kicker: the most dangerous time for a survivor isn’t before the restraining order. It’s right after. According to the Justice Department, the majority of domestic assaults happen after couples separate. Why? It’s all about power and control. When survivors break free, abusers feel like they’re losing their grip—and that’s when things escalate.
Wendy Mahoney, who leads the Mississippi Coalition Against Domestic Violence, put it plainly to the Clarion Ledger: “Domestic violence is all about power and control, and when a woman leaves, a man has lost his power and control.”
In fact, the Violence Policy Center reports that women are 70 times more likely to be killed in the two weeks after leaving an abusive partner than at any other point in the relationship. It’s a brutal reminder of how far we have to go in protecting survivors.
A Piece of Paper Isn’t a Shield
Let’s be real—a restraining order is just paper. It’s not bulletproof, knife-proof, or danger-proof. Survivors know this, and so do abusers.
Take Elizabeth’s story, shared with Crosstown: On the day she was granted a restraining order, her estranged husband violated it three times. He showed up at her child’s school, followed her to church, and sat in his car staring at her. Nothing happened.
Elizabeth’s lawyer told her to call the police, but even that didn’t help. The district attorney shrugged it off, saying the violations weren’t “violent enough.” Her story isn’t unique—police often fail to enforce restraining orders properly, leaving survivors to fend for themselves.
“It’s common knowledge that nothing happens when restraining orders are violated,” said attorney Rachelle Neshkes to Crosstown.
The Bellflower Tragedy: When Restraining Orders Fail
Restraining orders can provide legal documentation, but they can’t stop someone determined to harm. On October 15, 2024, a Bellflower woman was killed by her ex-boyfriend the same day she obtained a restraining order. KTLA5 reported that the man kicked in her apartment door, shot her son, and then killed her before turning the gun on himself.
This wasn’t an isolated incident. Deputies had been called to her home seven times since June for domestic violence-related issues involving the same man. This tragic case underscores the reality: restraining orders alone can’t save lives when enforcement and safety planning aren’t prioritized.
“Why Didn’t She Just Leave?” The Worst Question Ever
The TikTok comments section wasn’t just sympathy and advice—it was also a flood of outrage over how survivors are treated. And rightfully so. People love to ask survivors why they didn’t leave, but here’s the tea: leaving is the most dangerous step.
Women Against Abuse breaks it down. Survivors face a mountain of barriers, from fear of retaliation to financial dependence. Many abusers isolate their partners, making it hard to reach out for help. For immigrant survivors, it’s even tougher—language barriers, fear of deportation, and cultural stigmas can keep them trapped.
Leaving isn’t just “hard.” It’s often life-threatening. The Clarion Ledger reports that nearly three-fourths of domestic violence killings happen when survivors try to leave or have already left. That’s not a “her” problem—it’s a system problem.
Survivors Are Screaming for Change—and Each Other
@emmaslicious’s TikTok video has amassed thousands of comments, with women sharing their fears and hard-earned advice. One commenter nailed the frustration:
“A safety plan for her instead of jail time for him… will always be absolutely infuriating.”
Another highlighted how extreme survivors’ choices can get:
“My forensic psych professor said your risk drops to almost zero if you move out of state.”
But not everyone can just pack up and disappear. Survivors like TikTok user @plantoaktrees suggest documenting every violation and turning it in to law enforcement. While it’s not a perfect solution, building a paper trail can help in the long run.
Holding Abusers Accountable: It’s Long Overdue
The burden of safety shouldn’t fall on survivors. Period. Programs like the one in High Point, North Carolina, offer a glimpse of what’s possible when the focus shifts to holding abusers accountable. According to the Clarion Ledger, High Point police issue clear ultimatums to offenders: change or face severe consequences. This proactive approach has reduced domestic violence homicides in the area dramatically.
Meanwhile, survivors like Elizabeth and @emmaslicious are still asking the same question:
“What are people supposed to do?”
Beyond the Restraining Order: What Needs to Change?
Restraining orders aren’t enough. Survivors need better support—safety planning, shelter access, and enforcement that actually works. Police need comprehensive training to handle domestic violence cases with urgency and care. And let’s be clear: abusers, not survivors, should bear the responsibility for their actions.
As Dr. Carolann Peterson told Crosstown, “Every abuser threatens to kill. The problem is, I can’t tell you who’s actually going to carry it out and who isn’t.”
This crisis is fixable—but it requires a collective effort. Survivors like @emmaslicious deserve more than a piece of paper. They deserve a system that protects, supports, and values their lives.
