Valentine’s Day is supposed to be all about love, but for some, it’s decision day. If your relationship is already on the rocks, February 14 can feel like a pressure cooker. Should you go through the motions and wait until after the holiday? Or is it better to rip off the Band-Aid and end it before the roses and heart-shaped chocolates hit the shelves? Relationship experts have opinions, and the internet has plenty of messy breakup stories to back them up.

Breaking Up Before Valentine’s: The Case for Getting It Over With

Waiting for the “perfect” time to break up is like waiting for Mercury retrograde to end—it’s never going to feel completely right. According to Dr. Morgan Cope, a psychology professor at Centre College, dragging out a breakup just to avoid ruining Valentine’s Day can backfire. “Imagine picking out a gift or going out to dinner when you don’t want to be there,” Cope told CNN. “Breakups are always going to be difficult, but you don’t have to make it any harder on yourself or your partner by forcing something that isn’t meant to be.”

Data backs this up. A YouGov poll found that 45% of Americans think breaking up before Valentine’s Day is the best option if you know it’s coming. Only 5% think dumping someone on the actual holiday is okay (a special place in heartbreak hell for those people).

Reddit, of course, has its own take. One user summed it up perfectly: “Before, so the Valentine’s Day stuff doesn’t feel like a lie.” Another chimed in, “If you’re dumped after, it’s kinda like they used you for the benefits of the day—expensive food, sex, gifts, etc.” Brutal, but not wrong.

The Pressure of Valentine’s Can Expose Relationship Cracks

Valentine’s Day isn’t just a test of love—it’s a litmus test for relationship effort. Men’s Health reported that for many couples, February 14 magnifies existing issues. It’s not about the gift itself but about what it represents. Anna, who had been with her boyfriend for two years, knew it was over when he did absolutely nothing for Valentine’s Day. “No card, no chocolate, nothing,” she told Men’s Health. “It wasn’t about money. I would have been fine with a homemade Valentine. But it showed me I was putting in all the work, and he wasn’t.”

This tracks with research. A Bumble survey found that nearly one in five Americans has broken up right before or after Valentine’s Day. The holiday’s expectations force people to confront whether their relationship is thriving—or just surviving.

Waiting Until After Valentine’s: A Kinder Approach or a Waste of Time?

On the flip side, some experts suggest waiting. Kiyana Shelton, a relationship counselor, says that if you’re unsure about the breakup, postponing it could give you clarity. “I know it’s close to Valentine’s Day, but it’s important to express what I am feeling without being pressured to perform around this day,” she told CNN. In other words, don’t fake it just to be polite—but also don’t make a rash decision based on holiday stress.

But be warned: if your partner finds out you were planning to break up before the holiday and waited out of pity, they might feel more betrayed. Susan Pease Banitt, a therapist and social worker, advises honesty above all. “Ending the relationship on a holiday marks that holiday as a negative anniversary,” she told the Chicago Tribune. “Be considerate. A few days here or there won’t change the outcome.”

Break Up on Valentine’s? The Rare and Ruthless Move

Statistically, breaking up on February 14 itself is rare but not unheard of. A YouGov survey found that 7% of Americans admitted to ending a relationship on Valentine’s Day. It might sound cold, but some argue it’s the ultimate act of honesty. “It is GREAT that people break up before and after Valentine’s Day,” a blogger from The Happy Talent wrote. She added it is “ALWAYS better to break up with the wrong person than to stay with them.”

But let’s be real—most people don’t want their breakup anniversary tied to a day filled with heart-shaped balloons and prix fixe menus.

Final Verdict: When Should You Do It?

So, what’s the move? According to experts, if you already know you’re done, break up before Valentine’s Day. If you’re still unsure, take a step back and reflect. But if you’re considering waiting until after just to avoid an awkward holiday, remember: prolonging the inevitable is never the kindest option.

Breakups are never easy, but when it comes to Valentine’s Day, sometimes the best gift you can give (or receive) is honesty. And maybe some discounted chocolate on February 15.

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