The One Trait That Makes Selena Gomez Obsessed With Benny Blanco—It’s Actually Science-Backed
Selena Gomez just revealed the one trait she finds straight-up addictive in her fiancé Benny Blanco: confidence. And honestly? Science backs her up.
During a recent interview on SiriusXM’s TikTok Radio IRL with Chris Olsen, Gomez gushed about how her partner’s energy has impacted her both creatively and emotionally. “It’s Benny’s confidence, you know?” she said. “That kind of energy is so addictive to be around. I just love him, that’s all.”
The couple has been promoting their new album I Said I Love You First, which they co-created by swapping personal stories and blending their pasts. Gomez told Olsen that she was feeling “stuck musically” before working with Blanco. His self-assured support helped reignite her creative spark.
The Science Behind Why Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco Work
Gomez’s attraction to Blanco’s confidence isn’t just a vibe. According to the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, people tend to find confidence attractive because it signals other hard-to-read traits like competence, social status, and emotional intelligence. As researcher Sean Murphy explained, “We trust that people know themselves well, and assume that their confidence reflects their actual value as a partner.”
But there’s a catch. The research also shows that overconfidence can be a double-edged sword. In one study, participants who exaggerated their abilities were seen as more confident and more arrogant—a mix that turned off potential partners. Basically, if confidence crosses into cockiness, the sexy effect can backfire.
Still, in high-competition environments (think a packed nightclub or, say, the music industry), overconfidence might actually be a strategic advantage. Murphy’s study showed that arrogant, overconfident people tend to intimidate potential rivals. The combination makes them seem like hard competition, which can sometimes translate into romantic success.
Selena Gomez, Benny Blanco, and the Confidence Glow-Up
Back in February, Blanco told Interview Magazine that Gomez is his “fucking heroin and Xanax combined”—a chaotic metaphor for how she brings him both euphoria and calm. Gomez, in turn, said she wasn’t ready for this kind of love ten years ago. “I wasn’t in a space in my life where I could have accepted the kind of patience, the kind of unconditional love that he gives me,” she said.
That capacity to receive love might be tied to the science of confidence, too. According to Psychology Today, one key element of building confidence is a sense of control over one’s outcomes. For Gomez, who has gone through periods of isolation and personal growth, being with someone who radiates self-assurance may feel like both a mirror and a grounding force.
Chemistry or Psychology?
While Benny Blanco’s confidence has clearly been a green flag for Gomez, there’s another layer. According to a 2020 study by Singapore Management University, confidence, especially in men, can be trained. Men who learned how to confidently engage in conversations were seen as more attractive short-term partners. However, women were less likely to view them as long-term material if they knew that confidence was “trained.”
In Gomez and Blanco’s case, there’s no evidence that Blanco’s confidence is performative. In fact, the opposite. He made a literal list of traits he wanted in a future partner during therapy, according to their interview with Jay Shetty. Kindness, compassion, and emotional stability topped the list. It seems that internal clarity and confidence are exactly what Gomez finds magnetic.
Just Remember: Confidence Isn’t a Red Flag
What Selena Gomez sees in Benny Blanco is something many of us crave: someone sure of themselves, calm in their energy, and secure enough to support your shine without dimming theirs. In an industry (and world) obsessed with youth and perfection, confidence might just be the most underrated love language.
