Science Just Proved Moms Have a Favorite Child—But It’s Probably Not Who You Think

Being the only daughter in a Syrian-Venezuelan household seems, on paper, like a privileged position. I was always the apple of my father’s eye and, in theory, the darling of the house. However, I always knew that one of my brothers was my mom’s favorite. As a child, that reality sat under my skin like a slow burn. Now, thanks to years of therapy, I can joke about it. But my mom? She refuses to acknowledge it.

“I love each of you in a different way,” she always says.

Well, thanks to a new study, I have a solid argument for the next time I bring it up. And maybe you will, too.

Science Confirms That Parents Play Favorites

Parental favoritism has long been a hushed-up topic, but new research from Brigham Young University suggests that it’s more common than most parents are willing to admit. According to The Washington Post, researchers analyzed data from over 19,000 individuals across North America and Western Europe to understand how birth order, gender, and personality traits influence parental favoritism.

The study, published in Psychological Bulletin, found that parents tend to favor daughters slightly more than sons. Interestingly, this bias was reported by parents themselves—children didn’t necessarily perceive it the same way.

“There are a couple of older studies that suggested that fathers favor sons, and mothers favor daughters,” lead author Alex Jensen told The Washington Post. “But it turns out fathers favor daughters, too.”

The Favorite Child Usually Has These Traits

The study also found that younger siblings are more likely to receive favorable treatment from their parents. Older siblings, on the other hand, tend to be granted more autonomy and freedom, even into adulthood.

Beyond birth order and gender, personality plays a role. Children who are agreeable, conscientious, and easygoing are more likely to be treated preferentially. In an interview with CBS News, psychiatrist Dr. Sue Varma explained that parents gravitate toward kids who don’t challenge their authority as much.

“Part of what makes parenting easier for some parents is, ‘Is my kid also agreeable and conscientious and diligent and dutiful and obedient and respectful?’” Varma said.

Why It Matters If You’re Not the Favorite Child

For those who felt less favored growing up, this research validates their feelings—but also raises concerns. Jensen’s study found that children who are not favored tend to have worse mental health outcomes, lower self-esteem, and a higher likelihood of engaging in risky behaviors. According to The Huffington Post, they are also less likely to attend college and report lower satisfaction with life as adults.

On the flip side, the favorite child tends to thrive. Research shows that they have better mental health, fewer school-related issues, and stronger family relationships.

Parents Don’t Like Admitting They Have a Favorite

Despite the data, most parents still refuse to acknowledge favoritism. “Very few studies are going to approach parents and say, ‘Well, who is your favorite child?’” Jensen explained to The Washington Post. “Parents aren’t going to answer that. They’re going to say, ‘I don’t have one.’”

Instead, researchers asked parents specific questions:

• Which child do you spend the most time with?
• Who gets more financial support?
• Who do you feel closer to emotionally?

By gathering these insights, the study was able to quantify parental favoritism in a way that transcended personal bias.

Can Parents Avoid Playing Favorites?

The short answer? Not entirely. Every parent will, at some point, treat their children differently. The key is whether or not kids understand why. According to Jensen, when children believe there is a valid reason behind differential treatment—such as a sibling having special medical needs—it minimizes negative effects.

Still, The Washington Post reports that favoritism has lifelong consequences, even if it’s unintentional. “We’ve been able to document it from early childhood all the way to when folks are in their 60s,” researcher Megan Gilligan said.

So, What’s the Takeaway?

If you’ve always suspected your parents had a favorite, this study backs you up. But before you confront your mom or dad about it, consider this: favoritism doesn’t always mean love is unequal. Parents often navigate complex family dynamics, cultural expectations, and individual needs.

So, next time you feel that sting of favoritism, at least you know—you’re not imagining it.