A Latina Guide to Having a Drama-Free Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is officially here. The one day where all your friends, tíos, tías, and primos gather for a night of beautiful, chaotic, and often high-stakes marathon of food, hugs, and a little too much chisme. 

Whether you’re hosting or attending, we all know you’re the guardian of the vibe—and often the designated emotional anchor. Not only will the quality of the party and the food be judged like it’s on an episode of Master Chef, the typical questions from the whole family regarding your most intimate secrets will come at you when you least expect them. 

This year, we’ve got you covered with a game plan, a strong cup of coffee, spiritual armor, affirmations, and a whole lot of power from a few drops of essential oils. The horrors may persist, but protecting your paz and the turkey is his year’s top priority. 

Pre-Game Calming Ritual

Even before you start getting ready, invest a few minutes in getting your vibes right. Don’t wait until tía Berta asks why you’re not married yet to find your peace. First, let’s start with a deep breathing exercise using essential oils. Grab your diffuser and mix two drops of lavender (to squash la ansiedad) with one drop of wild orange or bergamot to uplift the mood and welcome good energy. Find a nice, quiet spot and set a timer for five minutes. 

Take three deep breaths while holding your hands to your heart. Then, stand up and put your hands on your hips (if you can stand in front of a mirror, even better), and repeat the following mantra: “I choose peace over proving a point.” 

This is your personal mantra for the night. Remember, you only have to spend time with your relatives for a few hours; it’s not worth the cortisol boost to engage in arguments. Stick to your mantra, breathe deeply each time they test your patience, and repeat your mantra. 

Fast, final, and firme answers to tough questions

When a conversation starts going south, you need to pivot with speed and grace. Keep in mind, you don’t have to engage in every argument you’re invited to. Don’t worry, we’ve got you with the scripts that will keep your sala from becoming a war zone. 

Politics: The Great Divider

• When things are going nuclear, shut it down fast. If your tío brings up the war, opt for peace with: “I love that you’re passionate, tío! But let’s keep today focused on gratitude. We can debate this another time. How does Tuesday work? Pass the tamales.” 
• Build bridges by shifting to topics you can all agree on when things get bipartisan. “That’s a really interesting point. It reminds me of how hard Abuela works for the community. Speaking of work, how is the new project of yours coming along, prima?” 

Gobble, Gossip, and Chisme: The Toxic Trio

Negative energy spreads faster than mantequilla on corn bread. Redirect with praise or curiosity. 

• When your tias are throwing shade on someone. “Ay, I miss seeing [insert person’s name]. Does anyone want to hear about the new telenovela I just started? Now that’s drama I want to discuss.” 
• That moment someone is getting thrown under the bus. “I’m glad that’s their business. What trips are you all going on before the year ends?”

Job and Career: The Great Comparison Moment

When they start comparing salaries or asking “When are you going to find un trabajo de verdad?” Hit them with phrases they’ll need a degree for. 

• “You know, the money is nice, pero I just feel grateful that I have a sense of purpose right now. What’s one thing you’re feeling grateful for in your life right now, primo?
• “Oh, don’t worry about my bank account, papi. The only thing I’m worried about today is making sure the turkey is perfect. Can you taste this for salt?” Proceed to give them a small task. 

The novio, the kids, and the body questions

Don’t worry, we haven’t forgotten about the red zone, AKA the personal boundary breakers. These are the most personal attacks and require the most confident, unwavering responses from you. 

When are you having kids? 

Your family may feel entitled to get all up in your fertility business, which, let’s be honest, is so 20 years ago. Remember your uterus, your choice.. 

• “Thanks so much for asking about my plans of becoming a parent, abuela. However, I’m focused on birthing [insert project] this year instead. Can you help me by lighting the candles on the table?”

Unsolicited parenting advice AKA “¿Por qué dejas que…?”

If you’re already a parent, there’s the inevitable critique of your choices. Don’t let them take your paz. 

• “Thank you for the suggestion! My partner and I have found that [your current method] works best for us right now. Could you please help me keep an eye on the stuffing instead?” 
• “Ay, mami, I know you’re an expert! But I’m going to take this lesson and run it by our pediatrician later. Oye, that new necklace you’re wearing is stunning, where did you get it?” 

The “you look too thin/heavier” comments

We can’t even. In these cases, directedness is your friend. 

• “Thank you for the observation, but I prefer to keep conversations about my body and appearance off the table. Let’s talk about something else.” Hold eye contact until they pivot. 
• “I’m doing well, thank you! What’s the most exciting thing that has happened to you this year?”

The crowd favorite: questions about la pareja

You decided to soft launch them this year at Thanksgiving, pero you don’t want a full interrogation. Protect your amor. 

• Introduce your partner casually. “This is [Name]! They are an amazing [Job] and also happens to be an amazing cook. They brought this incredible flan.” Focus on their contribution to the dinner, not your relationship status. 
• If they drop the “Do you want to get married?” bomb. “¡Ay Dios mío! We’re just having fun and being grateful for this delicious food. Hey, [Partner], did you tell Mami about your trip to [last vacation]?”

Take a break and tap into adaptogens

If things are getting too tense, take a little restroom break or go outside for 30 seconds. Get yourself a diluted peppermint essential oil roll-on and put a dab on the back of your neck or inhale it deeply from the bottle. The strong, cooling sensation is an instant reset for your overloaded nervous system. 

You can also stock the fridge with adaptogen-filled drinks like Mingle Mocktails’ Pineapple Paloma and Lime Margarita. Skip the alcohol and rely on adaptogens to help you stay cool, calm, and collected.  

Assign a drama-free designated helper

A successful Thanksgiving requires allies. Recruit one trusted, drama-free family member to be your “co-host” and “co-helper.” Give them a secret signal, like swishing your hair, which means “I need you to take over the tía taming now!”  

By having these scripts ready and your boundaries clearly defined, you can focus on the important things: the familia, the food, and the fun.