If you’ve ever stayed up at night asking yourself, “Am I crazy, or is he a narcissist?” you’re not alone. I’ve been there. For two years, I was trapped in a toxic relationship with a man who controlled every part of my life. He didn’t just manipulate my finances or limit my friendships—he made me doubt myself so much that I couldn’t tell where his reality ended and mine began.

When I met him, he swept me off my feet with grand gestures, endless compliments, and promises of a perfect life. I thought I had found “the one.” Later, I learned this was love bombing—a manipulative tactic designed to hook me in and gain my trust. Once he knew I was invested, everything changed. He isolated me from friends, monitored my every move, and broke me down emotionally.

Back then, I didn’t know what narcissism was.

I thought his controlling behavior meant he cared, his jealousy was love, and his criticisms were ways to help me “be better.” I didn’t fully understand until I left, broken and confused. That’s when everything started making sense.

When I finally tried to leave, he met me with tearful promises that “things would be different.” I fell for it. Every. Single. Time. Until one day, he took away my phone—my last connection to the outside world—and something inside me snapped. That was the moment I realized: It’s not me. It’s him. And I need to leave.

Walking away wasn’t easy. I left with nothing but my car keys and the hope that I could rebuild my life. Over time, I learned he wasn’t just a toxic partner—he was a narcissist. His behaviors followed a textbook pattern. Now, I want to help other women recognize these red flags before they lose themselves in the same way I did.

Gaslighting: A Narcissist’s Favorite Weapon

Gaslighting is one of the most dangerous tactics narcissists use. It’s psychological manipulation that makes you doubt your reality. If you call out their behavior, they’ll say, “You’re imagining things” or “You’re too sensitive.” Over time, this erodes your confidence and makes you question what’s real.

In my relationship, gaslighting was his go-to move. If I expressed discomfort or pointed out his controlling ways, he’d twist the conversation until I was apologizing. He’d insist, “I’m only trying to protect you” or accuse me of being “paranoid.” Looking back, I see how he made me feel like I was the problem.

Love Bombing: How a Narcissist Gets You Hooked

Toxic relationships often start with love bombing—an intense phase where the narcissist showers you with affection, compliments, and grand gestures. It feels like a fairytale. But it’s manipulation. Once they secure your trust, they shift into devaluation, belittling and controlling you. Then comes the discard phase, leaving you shattered and questioning what you did wrong.

This cycle is intentional. It keeps you hooked, hoping the person you fell in love with will come back. Every time I tried to leave, he’d cry and say he’d “never felt this way about anyone else.” He’d promise to change. And I wanted so badly to believe him. But every time, I fell deeper into his web of lies.

The 5 Types of Narcissists You Might Encounter

Not all narcissists look the same. Here are the five main types:

  • Grandiose Narcissists: Confident, charming, and always seeking attention. They dominate social settings and dismiss anyone who challenges them.
  • Vulnerable Narcissists: They hide insecurity behind victimhood, using guilt and emotional manipulation to control others.
  • Malignant Narcissists: The most dangerous type. They mix narcissism with aggression and cruelty, enjoying inflicting pain.
  • Covert Narcissists: Passive-aggressive and subtle, they appear shy or humble but are deeply manipulative.
  • Communal Narcissists: They present themselves as selfless and morally superior, but their good deeds are motivated by a need for admiration.

Red Flags: Is He a Narcissist?

If you’re wondering whether your partner is a narcissist, watch for these signs:

  • He Dismisses Your Feelings. Your emotions are invalidated or mocked, making you feel unheard.
  • He Manipulates Through Guilt. You’re always made to feel like the “bad guy,” no matter how valid your concerns are.
  • He’s Obsessed with Control. Whether it’s your finances, social life, or appearance, he wants full control.
  • He’s Inconsistent. One day, he’s your biggest supporter. The next, he’s cold and cruel. This hot-and-cold behavior keeps you chasing the “good days.”
  • He Never Takes Accountability. He blames his mistakes on you or others, refusing to take responsibility.

Breaking Free: How I Took Back My Life

Leaving a narcissist isn’t just about walking away—it’s about reclaiming your sense of self. Here’s what helped me:

  • Recognizing the Patterns. Once I understood his behavior wasn’t love but manipulation, I stopped blaming myself.
  • Rebuilding My Confidence. After leaving, I spent months reconnecting with who I was before him. Journaling, therapy, and self-care helped me heal.
  • Seeking Support. A trusted friend, family member, or professional can validate your experience and help you move forward.

In Summary: No, You Are Not Crazy

If you feel “crazy” in your relationship, it’s not you—it’s the manipulation. Narcissists use gaslighting and control to keep you doubting yourself. But here’s the truth: You are not crazy. You are not broken. And you can get out.

The first step is recognizing the signs. The next is choosing yourself. I won’t sugarcoat it—it’s hard work. But the freedom, peace, and joy waiting on the other side are worth every step. If I could do it, so can you. You deserve a love that uplifts you, not one that breaks you down. Never settle for less.

Emmy Hernandez is The Executive Woman’s Soulmate Strategist, uniquely bridging science and spirit to help successful women find extraordinary love. Through her innovative approach that combines cutting-edge relationship research with intuitive wisdom, she has helped countless high-achieving women create deeply fulfilling relationships without sacrificing their professional success.

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