From TikTok to Vogue: Why Everyone’s Suddenly Saying Having a Boyfriend Is Embarrassing
Is having a boyfriend embarrassing in this day and era? If we go by the internet and the societal conversations unfolding online in recent days, it seems so.
Leggings, skinny jeans, and ultra-high platform shoes have been officially deemed passé in 2025. Add flexing a boyfriend to that list. The conversation has been permeating social discourse in the last couple of years. However, women are finally articulating their thoughts on the topic.
I beg you, don’t embarrass me
The early signs have been there for a while. When Sabrina Carpenter released her 2024 hit single “Please, Please, Please,” the internet turned “Heartbreak is one thing, my ego is another, I beg you don’t embarrass me, motherfucker” into a meme, an anthem, and a cautionary message for potential and current romantic partners. The relatable lyrics prompted viral takes on the internet. Many of them pointed out how uncool and inevitably embarrassing hetero normative relationships end up becoming for women. “It’s like a humiliation ritual,” “I’m embarrased I like men in general” and other “hot takes” took over the internet.
The women’s shift towards de-centering men in their lives was clear.
This summer, the “I feel like having a boyfriend will ruin my aura” trend took flight on TikTok, reflecting a new collective state of mind: being boyfriendless is the ultimate signifier of cool.
In a now viral video from the Delusional Diaries podcast, hosts Jaz and Halley say it out loud, “I feel like having a boyfriend now is lame and shameful.” Meanwhile, author and social commentator Chante Joseph delved into the topic in a hit opinion piece for British Vogue. Joseph approaches the topic from a place where women are reclaiming singlehood or, at the very least, removing their partners as the cornerstone of their public lives.
Others have approached the topic more critically. In a Substack article titled “Only uncool losers fall in love,” journalist Antonia Bentel examines performative stances on relationships, or more specifically, on falling in love. “It’s fashionable to sound exhausted by romance, to roll your eyes at sincerity, to treat love as a kind of intellectual failure,” she writes.
The consensus is clear: Having a boyfriend is embarrassing
But no. The central idea is not to criticize women in relationships or regard love, per se, as embarrassing. That’d be a reductive and simplistic take. The conversation runs deeper.
Instead of opposing love or discarding it, stating that having a boyfriend is cringe, embarrassing, lame (or any variation of the word) is more so a response to the current societal and political climate. It is a departure from long-held stereotypes and misguided beliefs that reduce women to their relationship status or recognize their worth only once they’ve abided by patriarchal standards.
The real conversation is why women are rejecting and leaving behind male-centered perceptions. Having a boyfriend is not uncool by default. However, not seeking male validation or being overfixated on catering to the male gaze is undoubtedly cool. Women are no longer measuring their success by the exuberance of their love lives or organizing their lives solely around their partners.
Moreover, as various content creators have pointed out on social media, claiming that “having a boyfriend is embarrassing” is also a rejection of traditional relationship dynamics. It is a rejection of the most exhausting sides of dating, those ingrained and normalized through the patriarchal system.
In an era of trad wives, the rise of conservatism, and the stripping of women’s rights, the “embarrassing boyfriend” discourse is perhaps also a form of resistance.
