A TikToker’s Brutally Honest Take on Motherhood Has People Debating Not Having Kids
Motherhood is often framed as a dream come true. For one TikToker, that dream turned into an unfiltered reality check. In a now-viral video, user @cootyqueen13 shared an emotional reflection on how becoming a mom changed her in ways she never expected—and not all for the better.
‘Dream Bigger’: A TikToker Warns Against Romanticizing Motherhood
From the moment she was a child, @cootyqueen13 had one dream: to become a mom. “All I ever wanted was one little girl,” she said in the video, reflecting on how she believed having a daughter would complete her. When her dream finally came true, she expected fulfillment. Instead, she found herself drowning in exhaustion, isolation, and a version of herself she barely recognized.
“I regret making being a mom my dream,” she admitted, her voice breaking. “I have been severely disappointed with the dream.”
Her raw honesty struck a chord with viewers. She described the intense emotional and physical toll motherhood has taken on her—how she no longer recognizes her body, how every aspect of her life has changed, and how the love she has for her daughter is both profound and suffocating.
The Emotional and Physical Cost of Motherhood
Her words resonated with thousands of parents who confessed to feeling the same but being afraid to say it out loud. “The rage I have inside of me. The depression… even with a supportive partner, it doesn’t matter. It still f***ing sucks,” she said.
She didn’t hold back about the daily struggles: the lack of privacy, the inability to make spontaneous decisions, the sheer mental exhaustion. “I can’t take a sh** by myself. I can’t eat when I want to. I can’t film a video whenever I want to.”
The overwhelming burden, she argued, isn’t just about parenting itself—it’s about how deeply it alters a woman’s identity. “Parts of me have changed for the worst,” she said, admitting she had no idea just how much motherhood would consume her.
Not Having Kids: The Growing Conversation on Regret
Her candid video taps into a larger cultural conversation about parenthood regret. According to Newsweek, the subreddit r/regretfulparents has become a space for people to anonymously admit that parenting wasn’t what they expected. Some even wish they had never had children at all.
Psychologists have also started addressing this taboo topic. A study from the Institute of Family Studies found that while most parents feel fulfilled by their children, a significant percentage—between 5-14%—experience deep regret. Another study from Psychology Today linked parental regret to burnout, depression, and lower life satisfaction.
But that regret doesn’t always mean a lack of love. “You can fiercely love your children and still wish you had never had them,” child psychologist Ana Aznar told Newsweek.
Social Media Reacts: Support, Debate, and Pushback
TikTok users flooded the comment section with mixed reactions. Some praised her for her honesty: “I really respect this level of honesty,” said one user. “She’s not negative. She’s in reality,” said another. “Moms need to be more honest about what motherhood really is,” said a third.
Others, however, pushed back, arguing that not all mothers feel this way. One commenter wrote, “I’m a mother, and I actually feel quite the opposite. It’s the most natural thing I’ve ever done.” Another added, “It does get better. The early years are hard, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”
‘Go Travel, B***h’: Redefining the Meaning of a ‘Full Life’
Perhaps the most controversial part of her video was her advice to women who are unsure about having kids. “Dream bigger,” she said. “Go travel, b***h. Go be hot. Go create your family with friends and experiences and yourself.”
She argued that motherhood is often presented as the ultimate life goal for women, but it shouldn’t be the default. “Sometimes all you need to know is that you’d be a good mom. And then choose not to have kids.”
For many young people, that message is hitting differently. The Pew Research Center found that the number of adults choosing not to have kids is rising, with climate change, financial instability, and loss of personal freedom being major concerns.
The Bottom Line? This is A Hard Conversation Worth Having
Whether people agreed with her or not, one thing was clear: her words sparked an important conversation. Motherhood, as she described it, isn’t just sleepless nights and diaper changes—it’s a seismic shift in identity, relationships, and mental health.
For those considering not having kids, her video served as both a warning and an affirmation. And for parents in the trenches, it was a rare, unfiltered glimpse into the realities many feel but few say out loud.
