Sex 101: Latina Sex Coach Shares Why Women Fake Orgasms and Why They Should Stop
Sex is something intimate. When experienced with the right person, it can be a safe space for emotional and physical vulnerability. Unfortunately, for many Latinas, sex is not something that is often talked about. Latinas don’t typically hear their tías, abuelas, or mamá discussing. Layer on society’s views around sex, which expects women to be naughty and nice, things can muddled.
Because it’s not a discussion, Latinas enter sex with preconceived notions about what should or shouldn’t happen. This adds pressure to perform and orgasm at the drop of a hat. Health News details that there are a lot of reasons why women would fake an orgasm. A 2009 study found that 67% of women faked an orgasm.
Protecting their partner’s feelings was among the many reasons a woman would fake an orgasm during sex
As sex can be a vulnerable event for many, no one sets out to make the other person feel bad. Psychology Today details that many women are faking the big O to help keep their partner happy. And when they aren’t trying to keep their partner happy, the fake climaxing to help retent him.
Similarly, another study found that women will fake an orgasm because their partner may be highly insecure. Researchers found that women with insecure partners experienced more anxiety overall and had poor communication. This is said to correlate with a lower level of orgasm overall.
The study’s lead author, Jessica Jordan, says in a statement that women are more focused on their partner’s satisfaction.
“Women are prioritizing what they think their partners need over their own sexual needs and satisfaction,” Jordan asserts.
She continued, “If a woman is concerned about inadvertently threatening her partner’s manhood, that could lead to a breakdown of communication.”
But Jordan doesn’t want folks to think that the lack of orgasms or communication is any one person’s fault. She links the breakdown to society’s need to create “an impossible standard of masculinity to maintain.”
Essentially, women are taught that they can’t tell their partner how to help please them. Equally, if a man isn’t aware that he’s creating a space where feedback isn’t welcome, an opportunity is missed.
The lack of proper and honest sex education can affect how comfortable women feel when approaching coitus
Certified sex coach Karla Montalván tells FIERCE that it all begins and ends with how people are educated when it comes to the act of sex.
Montalván explains, “I think it all starts with how we’ve been educated — or uneducated — sexually. Most of our parents never had sex education, and especially for women, many of our mothers or grandmothers only had sex for procreation, and it wasn’t always pleasurable.”
“For many people, the only’ sex education’ they’ve had is through watching porn — which is not real sex. It’s a show,” the Detrás de Kama podcaster asserts.
She details that when someone goes in with the “mission” of reaching an orgasm, it will be more challenging to achieve. Montalván believes approaching sex with the goal of just having fun may help women climax “with much more ease.”
“What happens is, we think we’re crunched for time, we have to rush, and women and men have different timings during sex,” Montalván points out.
She continues, “In many instances when the man is ready to have an orgasm, the woman is only just getting started. So, instead of communicating their needs, they pretend they’re right there with them.”
Not being honest about your needs and what you need to orgasm could lead to some consequences
Montalván indicates that if women don’t communicate their needs, they won’t have a joyous sexual experience.
“For one, [women] won’t fully enjoy their sexual experience. Again, I think we rely too much on the other person to meet our needs, and we need to start by meeting our own needs,” she tells FIERCE.
The sex coach continues, “When women come to me for sex coaching, one of the first questions I ask is: are you masturbating? Do you set time aside to pleasure yourself? Most of them say ‘no.'”
“PsychCentral” posits that many women might not speak up because they fear being rejected by their partners.
Montalván affirms, “Also, your partner might feel confused if one day you show up and say, ‘I’m done,’ or ‘the sex is not good,’ after you’ve been pretending to be elated every time. Don’t fake an orgasm. If you are having trouble with reaching orgasm, there are many ways to reach them. Talk to a sex counselor, sex coach, or therapist.”